I haven't posted in a while and I am not entirely sure why. When I made the last two posts about my garden, I had a third in that series in mind. What happened after the second of those posts was completely baffling to me. After never receiving any comments about my blog, suddenly I got several, some made to me personally and others posted on this site. One of those comments, which was innocently made by a good friend, really took me back and made me wonder about why I choose to write the way I do.
What is the purpose of this blog? Originally, this blog was intended to be an introspective look at how every day occurances in my life affect me. It was initially something that I would write only for myself. However, I decided to share this blog with some of my friends and acquaintances. Perhaps that was a mistake because I was not prepared to accept criticism, constructive or otherwise.
Some times things we say or do are not always percieved in the same light that we intended them to be. Is it just miscommunication or it is because we are human, that we often delude ourselves into thinking that others see us the way we wish to see ourselves?
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Weeding out the Debris
My husband and I are not the neatest people in the world. We have lived in the same house for over twenty years and it is filled with stuff we have collected over the years, but now do not use. Still, we continue to accumulate stuff. I always joked that I did not know whether first we would implode from all the junk in the attic or explode from all the stuff in our closets. Lately, all this extraneous debris has been dragging me down. I have begun to feel very burdened by my possessions.
Yesterday was another beautiful, false spring day, so I went back out to work in my flower beds. The previous day I had started by cleaning up the weeds that had sprung up in the beds because I had failed to maintain them. After having weeded the beds, I realized that they needed some neatening. The largest bed is separated from the rest of the yard by a row of border grass that my husband had planted years ago. I am not a big fan of border grass, but he loves the stuff because it makes it easier fo him to mow our rather large back yard.
With all the weeds gone and the dead tops of the plants cleared out, I noticed that the border grass had substantially invaded my flower beds. Areas that had held irises and daffodils were intertwined with runners and shoots of border grass. The only way to remedy the situation was to dig everything up and weed out the debris. I spent several hours digging up a large part of the border grass and discarding it. Then I had to dig up the other plants to rid the area of where the border grass had sent its runners and was choking out my irises and daffodils. It was a lot of work, but I was giddy with having rid my flower beds of useless debris.
Coming back into my house, the excess physical debris in my life suddenly appeared magnified. All the extraneous junk we have lying around seemed to be begging me to get rid of it. We all carry excess debris in our lives, both in the form of possessions we no longer need and emotional baggage we should have never allowed to burden us. Cleaning out the border grass from my flower beds will allow my plants to be healthier and produce more flowers for our enjoyment. Perhaps, I need to look at weeding the debris out of my life too.
Yesterday was another beautiful, false spring day, so I went back out to work in my flower beds. The previous day I had started by cleaning up the weeds that had sprung up in the beds because I had failed to maintain them. After having weeded the beds, I realized that they needed some neatening. The largest bed is separated from the rest of the yard by a row of border grass that my husband had planted years ago. I am not a big fan of border grass, but he loves the stuff because it makes it easier fo him to mow our rather large back yard.
With all the weeds gone and the dead tops of the plants cleared out, I noticed that the border grass had substantially invaded my flower beds. Areas that had held irises and daffodils were intertwined with runners and shoots of border grass. The only way to remedy the situation was to dig everything up and weed out the debris. I spent several hours digging up a large part of the border grass and discarding it. Then I had to dig up the other plants to rid the area of where the border grass had sent its runners and was choking out my irises and daffodils. It was a lot of work, but I was giddy with having rid my flower beds of useless debris.
Coming back into my house, the excess physical debris in my life suddenly appeared magnified. All the extraneous junk we have lying around seemed to be begging me to get rid of it. We all carry excess debris in our lives, both in the form of possessions we no longer need and emotional baggage we should have never allowed to burden us. Cleaning out the border grass from my flower beds will allow my plants to be healthier and produce more flowers for our enjoyment. Perhaps, I need to look at weeding the debris out of my life too.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Gardens and Neglect
It was a beautiful springlike day outside today with temperatures in the 70's, so I decided to do a little gardening. I have three small flower beds located right outside the back door. They were poorly maintained during the growing season last year and were left to go completely wild over the winter. Even though we do get some cold weather here in north Florida, it only comes in very short spurts and rarely does much damage. This year, our winter has been very mild, so the weeds and grasses have completely invaded my flower beds.
When the gardening genes were handed out, I was not exactly at the head of the line, but that has not stopped me from trying. Instead of planting flowers that require a lot of maintenance such as roses, I stick to the easy perennials that grow well in our area. The majority of the beds are planted in irises, day lilies, coneflowers, and perennial salvia. I usually fill in with a few annuals like marigolds or pentas. Last year, I let the beds go and did not even bother to plant the annuals. Now I am faced with an enormous amount of work before I can even replenish what was lost to neglect.
As I worked to clean out the weeds and debris in the pleasant warmth of the day, I thought about how much effort in the past that I had put into maintaining my flower beds and how they had rewarded me with beautiful color right outside my back door. For some reason last year, I failed to spend the required time cultivating them. In one short season, the weeds had taken over the beds and were choking the few hardy plants that remained. Just to get my beds back to equilibrium was going to require much more work than if I had maintained them all along. In order to successfully grow, a garden needs a lot of attention and care.
So it is in life. Relationships must also be cultivated. As I cleaned the weeds from the garden, I was reminded how I cannot allow neglect to erode my personal relationships either.
When the gardening genes were handed out, I was not exactly at the head of the line, but that has not stopped me from trying. Instead of planting flowers that require a lot of maintenance such as roses, I stick to the easy perennials that grow well in our area. The majority of the beds are planted in irises, day lilies, coneflowers, and perennial salvia. I usually fill in with a few annuals like marigolds or pentas. Last year, I let the beds go and did not even bother to plant the annuals. Now I am faced with an enormous amount of work before I can even replenish what was lost to neglect.
As I worked to clean out the weeds and debris in the pleasant warmth of the day, I thought about how much effort in the past that I had put into maintaining my flower beds and how they had rewarded me with beautiful color right outside my back door. For some reason last year, I failed to spend the required time cultivating them. In one short season, the weeds had taken over the beds and were choking the few hardy plants that remained. Just to get my beds back to equilibrium was going to require much more work than if I had maintained them all along. In order to successfully grow, a garden needs a lot of attention and care.
So it is in life. Relationships must also be cultivated. As I cleaned the weeds from the garden, I was reminded how I cannot allow neglect to erode my personal relationships either.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The Faucet of Friendship
I belong to an internet message board for sports. Through that board, I have made a number of friends and have even met some of them for sporting events. Others I call friends even though we will never meet. The number of people who post on this board is rather large, and yet the board has a warm family atmosphere.
Among those whom I call friends from the board, there are probably about 8-10 that I consider "good friends." These 8-10 people are those whom I always try to be supportive of when they have a problem or need someone to talk to. Likewise, I had thought that I could count on the group as being there for me if I need someone too. My internet friends are another group of people that I care about just like my friends here at home. The only difference is that they are my long distance friends.
Friendship is not something I take very lightly. It is more than just an acquaintanceship and more than just turning the friendship faucet on and off. In the past, it has usually been me who was there for others, but recently, I needed some emotional support and sought it from my group of close friends.
Lately, there has been a lot of stress in my life culminating two weeks ago with the funerals of two people I knew occurring in the same week. What surprised me was that the very internet friends in whom I had invested the most energy and support in the past were not nearly as supportive as I expected them to be. I got plenty of support from other friends and acquaintances, but not from the three people I thought I was closest to. It was so disappointing and it hurt me deeply.
Since then, at least one of those friends has had some problems and I reached out again to them. I truly was worried about the situation and let them know how much I cared. They seemed to appreciate me when they needed someone to talk to. However, when I recently asked that friend as to how things were going, they first ignored me and then blew me off. I was completely dumbfounded. I do not understand how someone can turn friendship on and off like a faucet with no apparent rhyme or reason for the friend left standing in the cold.
I really care for people. It is a basic part of my generation. However, nowadays I am learning that most people really do not give a damn about others. The internet has created a safe haven that gives them a degree of anonimity. This anonimity allows them to be rude and callous, by turning the faucet of friendship on and off to suit their own needs while ignoring those of the person who thought they were a friend. They don't even seem to realize that they are hurting others in this way.
Friendship is a two way street. When it is only one way, the giver gets emotionally depleted and the relationship dies. Right now I feel very emotionally depleted. It hurts so deeply!
Among those whom I call friends from the board, there are probably about 8-10 that I consider "good friends." These 8-10 people are those whom I always try to be supportive of when they have a problem or need someone to talk to. Likewise, I had thought that I could count on the group as being there for me if I need someone too. My internet friends are another group of people that I care about just like my friends here at home. The only difference is that they are my long distance friends.
Friendship is not something I take very lightly. It is more than just an acquaintanceship and more than just turning the friendship faucet on and off. In the past, it has usually been me who was there for others, but recently, I needed some emotional support and sought it from my group of close friends.
Lately, there has been a lot of stress in my life culminating two weeks ago with the funerals of two people I knew occurring in the same week. What surprised me was that the very internet friends in whom I had invested the most energy and support in the past were not nearly as supportive as I expected them to be. I got plenty of support from other friends and acquaintances, but not from the three people I thought I was closest to. It was so disappointing and it hurt me deeply.
Since then, at least one of those friends has had some problems and I reached out again to them. I truly was worried about the situation and let them know how much I cared. They seemed to appreciate me when they needed someone to talk to. However, when I recently asked that friend as to how things were going, they first ignored me and then blew me off. I was completely dumbfounded. I do not understand how someone can turn friendship on and off like a faucet with no apparent rhyme or reason for the friend left standing in the cold.
I really care for people. It is a basic part of my generation. However, nowadays I am learning that most people really do not give a damn about others. The internet has created a safe haven that gives them a degree of anonimity. This anonimity allows them to be rude and callous, by turning the faucet of friendship on and off to suit their own needs while ignoring those of the person who thought they were a friend. They don't even seem to realize that they are hurting others in this way.
Friendship is a two way street. When it is only one way, the giver gets emotionally depleted and the relationship dies. Right now I feel very emotionally depleted. It hurts so deeply!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Growing Old and Growing Up - part 3
Today I met with five former co-workers for a lunch. We had a great time together. It was wonderful to see them, but it also reminded me that we are getting old. Five of us are retired and four of us no longer work at all.
Growing old and growing up are not one and the same. I am growing old, but still cannot accept growing up. When will it happen? Maybe never for me.
Growing old and growing up are not one and the same. I am growing old, but still cannot accept growing up. When will it happen? Maybe never for me.
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